Last week while talking to my best friend we somehow started talking about other friendships that we have and some that we’ve lost. As we shared stories of old friendships and how they have dissolved or ended abruptly, we both agreed those friend breakups can sometimes be harder than romantic relationship breakups. Well, they feel like it to me. After the conversation, I was forced to ask myself "why is that?" It could be that I love my friends like family or the length of time that all of my friendships have lasted? If I'm being completely honest most of my friendships have lasted longer than my relationship with my husband. This helps me to put in perspective why I care so much about them, why the loss of a friendship hurts me so deeply and I've learned how to cope during it all.
According to my most recent poll on Instagram, 92% of my follower have been through a friend breakup before. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but last year, I lost a friendship that was very important to me. It was more than a friendship; it was like losing a sister. The worst part is that I tried to call, text, and send smoke signals to apologize and make things right and none of my actions were acknowledged or received. I felt several different emotions going through it. I realized that I valued a relationship with someone who didn't feel the same way. No lie, it tore me up. But as the days went by, I knew that I had to adjust and acknowledge that the friendship was never going to be the same again. Here are some of the things I did to cope and heal.
Attempt to mend the friendship: If you have not done so, be the bigger person. If the friendship means anything to you attempt to mend it. That can look different for everyone. It may be as simple as apologizing for your wrongdoing or forgiving any wrongdoing against you. This is a great way to extend an olive branch and the first step in the right direction. Once you have attempted to mend the friendship if that isn’t received you have to acknowledge that the friendship is over.
Acknowledge the fact the friendship is over: You know how people stay the first step to overcoming addiction is to admit that you have an addiction? I think the same is true for coming to terms that a friendship is over.
Admit and acknowledge that the friendship has run its course and that it's now over. This straight-up is the hardest part for me because I love hard. It's the Virgo in me I can't help it. This may take some time depending on how valuable the friendship was to you, if you could have prevented it from ending or if you ever saw it coming.
Realize that people are in your life for a season: I’m a firm believer that no one comes into your life by accident and that everyone has a season in your life as well. Some relationships are here to teach you lessons, motivate yo
u, or even help you heal. Think about the friendship that you lost, identify the greatness that it's brought into your life, and show gratitude for that season. Thinking back on good times always helps you forget the bad. Be grateful for that
Cherish the friendship that you currently have: Showing gratitude and nurturing your current friendships always help you to appreciate the people who appreciate you. Try not to dwell on the friendship lost and cherish the ones you currently have.
Move on with Grace: I think this is the most important part of coping. Knowing when to move on and moving on with grace. In the words of some man, "you have to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em". Once you feel like you've done all that you can do just wish them well and move on with your life. For me, that meant to stop reaching out, for others that might look like unfollowing and blocking on social media. No matter how you move on, remember to do it with grace.
In short, breakups are hard both romantically and non-romantically. It takes time but you’ll get through it. If you been through it, I want to hear your side of the story? Comment below.
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