Search

Marriage Monday: Be Your Own Relationship Goals.

Over the weekend Jada Picket Smith broke the internet with her Facebook show Red Table Talk addressing the allegations of her relationship with 27 year old singer August Alsina. In the discussion Jada admits to being involved in an “entanglement” with the singer while she and Will were separated. There were many things that stood out to me while watching (all of which we wont unpack today) however, while watching I couldn't help but notice one in particular. How comical this was thing that struck me was how laughable this was for Will and more so Jada. During the interview they both mentioned several times how long ago the relationship had taken place. The couple basically said that they were addressing the situation publicly not because there was tension in their marriage but because the information had been circulating around the media. Although the two laughed as they discussed the situation I couldn't help but notice that Will looked a little as if the topic was reopening an old wound. As if he had shed a couple of tears before the recording of the interview. Ultimately they ended the episode saying “We ride together, we die together, bad marriage for life”and instantly I thought “Oh wow” maybe this had made them grown stronger. Which I hear that adversity often does in a marriage (I don't know and I ain't trying to find out).


Sadly, In today’s society 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Why so? It's many reason the most popular are infidelity, financial issues or unrealistic expectations of marriage. Many couples have based their “Relationship Goals” off of celebrity couples who are secretly dealing with their own issues. You know the old saying "The grass is always greener on the other side" well oh too often thats an illusion and so are these "perfect Celebrity couples" ended up going through stuff too. We saw this was Beyonce and Jay-Z, Tiny and T.I. and most recently Will and Jada. Now my husband and I have only been married for 3 years and we still have a lot of living to do but, with that being said I'm here to share with you a couple of pieces of advice that was given to me before we got married. This advice is certified GOLD, given by a marriage OG they've been married 50 plus years. This is how you stand the test of time and become your own Relationship Goals.


You lose when you keep score: Disagreements happen in relationships that's normal. What's not normal or fair is keeping score. Sis, as much as you want to keep an ongoing tally of all of the times you were wronged don't. The scripture says that Love keeps no record of wrongs and doesn't delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Give your frustrations over to God and watch him work it out. Which brings me to my next point....


Forgiveness is for you: My husband is very headstrong, which means that in our marriage I'm usually the one to apologize first. I'll admit that use to really upset me. Especially because I'm right all of the time (at least I think I am) but one day I remembered that forgiveness is for me. It takes more energy to be angry than it does to forgive and move on. I know it's easier said then done but try it. This rule can apply to any relationship that you may have. Once you've forgiven someone for their transgressions toward you, you free yourself of the hurt and anger and allow yourself to heal. I'm not joking. Every time I choose to forgive my husband durning our petty arguments he always feels convicted and ends up apologizing and even admitting that I was right.


No two marriages are the same: As people we have to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and our spouses to be perfect or even to appear perfect. Comparison is the thief of job and can ruin a perfectly good marriage. Marriage is about finding the person who loves you flaws and all and vise versa. Not only is comparison unhealthy but it can really cloud your mind and allow the enemy to sneak in with doubt. It makes you doubt the person who GOD ordained for you all alone. Trust in God's word. Stop comparing yourself to others and remember that What God has for you, is for YOU!


I'm no relationship or marriage expert but I feel like Will and Jada have used some of these principles in the 24 years that they have been married. This may be the very reason that they are still together to this day. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people. Each day strive we should strive to be better than you were before and remember these 3 things. Once you do that watch you become your own relationship goals!