As my four year wedding anniversary approaches I've been reflecting on how far Yury and I have come in our marriage. But our relationship isn't the only one who has come far. The award for most improved behavior certainly goes to my mother-in-law. It's never easy when you're blending families especially when you're belding different cultures and races. From the beginning I knew it was going to be an adjustment but no one could have prepared me for what was to come.
Have you ever seen the movie Monster In Law? If you haven't let me sum it up for you. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy proposes to girl. His mother isn't ready to let go and tries to do everything in her power to seperate them and call the engagement off. In the end.... you guessed it boy and girl end up married and mom has to deal with it. This was pretty much my entire engagement up until the very end. Like day before the wedding. When I tell yall I was ready to lose it, that's an understatement.
I could go into details about the horrible things my mother in-law has said to me, or even the horrible things I said back but for the sake of leaving the past in the past I won't. Just know that feelings were hurt and the tension was so thick that you could cut it with knife. Ultimately things got so bad that my husband stepped in to defend me. I never wanted my husband to feel like he had to choose between the two of us. Even though he made it clear to her on several occasion that if he would have to choose he would choose me. However, I knew that I didn't want that for him or his mom. I knew that I wanted a family who loved and respected each other mutually.
Be a United Front: You have to be on the same page with your spouse. Any threat to the other person is a threat to you. When I tell you my husband wasn't here for the disrespect. He WASN'T having it. Right from the start he let it be known that he wanted to be with me even if that meant not having a relationship with his mom. Knowing I had his support made it so much easier for me to try to resolve our issues. However it always scared me because Yury is a man of few words and little threats. He absolutely means what he says. Hearing him contemplate throwing their relationship away shook me to my core. I wasn't even a mother at the time and my heart ached for my mother- in-law. I knew that I couldn't let that happen. Which is why I decided to take the next step.
Be The Bigger Person: This is so much easier said than done. It took a lot of prayer and fasting but I got to the place were I was tried of WAR. I was ready to wave my white flag and surrender for the sake of my husband and our future marriage. I made the first step and although I wasn't wrong. I humbled myself, reached out and tried to repair the damage. It was certainly not easy and at first I thought it was a failed attempt but once I made the first step everything else seemed easier. Plus, it showed my mother in-law that I was here to stay and I really loved her son so much that I was willing to move forward.
Accept apologies even when they aren't given: This is another lesson in maturity. Forgiveness is for one's self. Forgiveness is the first step so that you can move on and heal from the hurt. I made a decision to forgive her. No grudges nothing, just pure forgiveness. They say the best apology is changed behavior and I agree with that one hundred percent. She completely came to terms with our relationship and I started to notice a change in her. To me, that was her way of saying "I'm sorry", and moving forward.Over the years my mother-in-law and I have grown to have a good relationship. Once my son was born it got even better. It's a total 180. She's an amazing ba•boo•scha (grandmother in Russian). Most importantly she knows I ain't going nowhere and that my husband ain't playing no games.